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Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.
-Warning label on a fax machine | |
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| Think of it this way...I dont want to talk to you | |
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| What do I look like, a news channel? | |
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| I obviously have an away message up because I am ignoring you so why dont you give me a break and just leave me the hell alone!!! Thanks have a nice day. | |
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A husband and wife were moving from Illinois to Florida. The husband left 5 days earlier. He sent an e-mail to his wife when he got to their new home. He accidentally typed in the wrong address, and it was sent to an elderly woman whose husband had just died. The message read:
"Dear my love,
I've just arrived for my destination. Plans are made for your arrival tomorrow.
Love, Your Husband
P.S. It sure is warm down here. | |
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| There was a cub, a cardinal, a yankee and a red sox player on top of a cliff. The cub player said "this is for my team" and jumped off of the cliff. The cardinal player wanted to be a better person so he said "this is for my team" and ran then flipped off of the cliff. The yankee and the red sox player looked at each other both thinking "i don't really wanna die". But after a long period of waiting, the red sox player goes, "you know what, this is for my team" and pushed the yankee player of the cliff! | |
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| His AE shirt ... $35, his A&F shorts ... $48, his GAP boxers ... $12, his Adidas sandals ... $20. All these items on your floor . . . priceless. | |
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10 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player
1. They always wear protection
2. They have great hands
3. They are used to scoring
4. They have great stamina
5. They find the opening and get it in
6. They never miss the target
7. They know how to use their wood
8. They have long sticks
9.They know when to play rough
10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls. | |
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| You know what pisses me off? People who point at the wrist when asking the time, i know where my watch is buddy where they f**k is yours? I mean do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?? | |
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| Hello, you have reached %n's away message, your message will be answered to in the order in which it was received, your message is number 1,645,845 , please hold, your message is important to me. | |
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| The sky was dark, The moon was high, We were alone, just her and I, Her hair was brown, her eyes were too I knew just what she wanted to do, So with my courage I did my best, I placed my hand upon her breast, I trembled and shook and felt her heart, Slowly she spread her legs apart, I knew she was ready, But I didnt know how, It was my first try, At milking a cow. | |
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| When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. | |
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