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| Chuck Norris donates blood to the Red Cross ... just not his own. | |
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| Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he does know where you will die. | |
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| If Chuck Norris is late, time needs to slow the F- down. | |
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| Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the grim reaper just didn’t have the courage to tell him. | |
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| The number one cause of deaths in America is heart disease, the second is chuck norris | |
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| Chuck Norris sued NBC because he had already named is left leg "Law" and his right "Order". | |
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| The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. | |
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| The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris," is imprinted beneath the surface of China | |
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| Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. | |
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| Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. | |
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| Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter by pointing his finger and saying, "BANG!" | |
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| Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. | |
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